we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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