Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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