Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
