Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
