btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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