i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
