I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
