It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
