I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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