Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
