she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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