I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
