That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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