so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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