i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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