y did u give ur computer a hand job?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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