I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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