thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
