That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
