Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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