after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
