i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
