5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
