there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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