Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Duck Duck Cougar?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
