Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So squirting runs in the family.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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