Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
