ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
