You really coming over, don't trick.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
