I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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