I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
