we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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