I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize