On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
