what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
