I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
