Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
