my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
