Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
