My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
