pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
