i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
