Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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