We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
