I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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