I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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