I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize