remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
