brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize