My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
