Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Randomize
