one might say we're banned from that church
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize