I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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