And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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