the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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