tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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