woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
