Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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