I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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