Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Found your dick twin last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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