Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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