Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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