FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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