I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
