gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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