just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
