Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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