Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
