a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
