cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have post one night stand depression
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