where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
