This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
