One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
