I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
