In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize