I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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