I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
