So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
