The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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