Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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