You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
