i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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