when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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