I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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