Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
