i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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