Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
