Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i drank out of a bidet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
