You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
