I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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