there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
