Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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