So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
