remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
