i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
