the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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