i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
