its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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